You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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