What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
