i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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