I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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