So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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