This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
