At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
