we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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