i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
