You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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