I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You almost got us killed.
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