I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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