Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
