I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
