First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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