How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
