I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The uberlube is also flammable
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
