My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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