I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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