i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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