how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
