Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have aggressive nipples.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
