So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
