How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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