I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
