why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
only you would photoshop your dick
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
