My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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