ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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