My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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