So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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