Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
