Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
