I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
