I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
