omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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