You don't have asthma, your pregnant
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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