I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Pants are for mortals
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
