glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
