just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
