I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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