Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you had me at cake vodka
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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