Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
