y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
