I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
