grandma shit on top of the toilet
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
