what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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