a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
