here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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