dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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