It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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