We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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