But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
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I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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