Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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