piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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