I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
