Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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