If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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