Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
