i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
