Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
