so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
