I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
