He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
