Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
