HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
