Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
