You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My nipple is on Facebook.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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