I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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