I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
