This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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