I'm passing your future prison.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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