I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
