The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
