i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
