Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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