I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
