why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
