im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
