I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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