Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
