I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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